This shit is bananas

This shit is bananas

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

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[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

NEW SCREEN NAME!!! [23 Jun 2005|01:48pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

[ music | the postal service ]

i3arbieNails

<33 add me bitches

7 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

do it bitches [18 Jun 2005|12:33pm]

[ mood | bouncy ]

[ music | mtv pish what else ]

1. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you.

2. I will then tell what song reminds me of you.

3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be.

4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.

5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.

6. I will tell you what color you remind me of.

7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.

8. Put this in your journal

51 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

did i ever tell you i love you? [16 Jun 2005|12:09am]

[ mood | chipper ]

[ music | liz phair- why cant i ]

( la te da )

14 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

tell me what you think... [13 Jun 2005|08:55pm]

[ mood | content ]

[ music | where is the love ]

Everything has been great lately.

I love summer.

I dyed my hair dark brown...

( 934827984 )

49 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

show me [09 Jun 2005|02:39am]

[ mood | impressed ]

[ music | kenny chesney ]

She said you never tell me that you love me anymore
So I can't help but wonder if you do
She said if things don't change you'll see me walk right out that door
'Cause I've done everything I know to do
I said I don't know just what it is you want from me
She said I only want us back the way we used to be
Then she said

Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me
Hold me, hold me like you want me
Like you'll never let me go
She said show me, show me
That you really love me
And then tell me 'cause I really need to know
She said kiss me, kiss me, kiss me

I got down on my knees right there and promised her I'd change
'Cause deep inside I knew that she was right
I said I know we've drifted and there's only me to blame
But I don't want to waste another night
Somewhere in the darkness there we found a brand new start
As I took every word she whispered straight to heart
She said

Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me
Hold me, hold me like you want me
Like you'll never let me go
She said show me, show me
That you really love me
And then tell me 'cause I really need to know
She said kiss me, kiss me, kiss me

Kiss me

2 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

[20 May 2005|09:19pm]

ok so open birthday party/dance for the samonas @ st marys this sat at like 9ish??? banquet hall above hockey area

4 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

::WARNING:: I am pmsing right now so the following maybe much more dramatic then it actually is. [04 May 2005|01:37pm]

[ mood | disappointed ]

[ music | Goo Goo Dolls ]

I am sick of lies

It makes me sick the way people are...

The fact that you lied to my face about something so stupid

That you held my hand while you bull shited your way trough the night

That I believed you

That I am sooo naive

That EVERYONE I know lies to me

That I was some kind of joke

That people use my weakness for their enjoyment.

What’s more sickening about the whole sickness is that it makes me sick that I still want to forgive people

I still want to be the person I was

I still want to have hope that, that’s not the way everyone is

However, lets call a spade a spade.

I must grow up

We all have to at one point.

Can’t you see that your lies do not make me love you more?

You cannot live a lie

I would eventually find out the truth.

If I could turn back time for you, I would

I swear I would

But once you lie you can’t take it back

You cannot press rewind and make it all better

There are consequences for all actions

Consequences you cannot always change

Once you lie to someone, they will always question your word

They will always wonder if what you are saying is really the truth

And even if I never found out the truth

I would not love you

I would love the person you were pretending to be

And tell me

Please

Cause I am dying to know

Where would that leave you?

What did you get out of these worthless lies?

Cause if it was a few hours of my time that you wanted… let me tell you, it was worth it. I would give a few hours to find out what kind of character you have any day.

I feel ugly

I feel so ugly that I do not want to get out of bed in the morning

I do not want to face the world

I do not want to go out

I do not want to try any more.

Getting out of bed has never been so hard

I have been hanging out with my friends every day for the past 2 weeks.

You do not know how hard that is for me

I push the people I love away from me

I make up excuses so I can be anti social

Cause I do not want to see the world.

*I do not want the world to see me

When I see all of you guys

It all goes away

It amazes me how amazing my friends are

It amazes me how they save me

It amazes me how they make me feel worth something with out even saying anything

I love you guys so much.

You mean the world to me.

And yes I know that my lack of confidence is a turn off

Hence the reason I use pretend to be confident

However, I can honestly say right now there is not one, single person I want to impress

Liars are not worth my time.

( Your happiness is just a bowl away. )

23 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

Your the face I want to wake up to every morning. [02 May 2005|12:32pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

[ music | baby we belong together. ]

Everything has been super good lately. Except for my mornings, it just seems soo hard to get out of bed, i hate it.

Its official... i have no money once again... i need to get a job or just start working more for my dad cause having no money friggen sucks.
Derick was supposed to stop by and see me after school today but i had to run arias :( er.

I leave for Florida may 13th or 14th? Yea I am super excited... kinda.

"some things are just better found out on their own. "

( “Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.” )

31 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

to tell you the truth. i ve never been so inlove. [30 Apr 2005|11:25am]

[ mood | awake ]

[ music | L is for the way you look at me. ]

Gerry was supposed to call me like what a week ago… so last night he FINALLY calls and he wants to hang out but what would I be telling him if I hung out with him>>> its ok to not call when we supposedly have plans…?
I THINK NOT…
I just hate it when people don’t call. It doesn’t take a lot to pick up a phone and call someone... and his excuse is that his room mate is xxxcore crazy and doesn’t want him talking to other girls… well babe if you want this to work we might need a new roommate… and who’s going to tell him that, not me.
SOOOOO last night instead of hanging out with this little feller I went to colleens and saw that sexy little mofo and then I went to Keith’s party… not even knowing that it was going to be Keith who was holding the party. I always seem to run into him at one point or another. He’s one of the nicest people I know, I am like baffled by his generosity.

Anyways I simply love all of my gfs… I think I am no longer anti girl… I actually want to go to mercy. * I actually I want to go to mercy REALLY bad?? Idk maybe it’s a stage…

blury but i love it.

( Uh yea... I am happy. )

22 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

You caught my eye. [16 Apr 2005|12:07pm]

[ mood | cheerful ]

[ music | country <3 ]

I have been blessed with the greatest friends ever.

Last night was like the greatest night. I am going to just leave it at that J

I feel kind of bad about how I treated a few people though; I plan on fixing it, so hopefully everything is ok.

Pete brought me flowers last night to sashas party what a cutie. Even though I didn’t talk to him he made me feel super good about myself

I bought some dye and dyed Laurens hair again the other day because I felt bad for screwing it up. I think it looks a lot better.

I really wish I had pics from last night but I didn’t take my camera. L

Oh well

I am off to work out

5 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

yea no one will read this. [14 Apr 2005|06:50pm]

[ mood | blank ]

[ music | 99.5 ]

Yea so today, I accomplished A LOT.
I did like 3 lessons + a lot of work for my daddy…
Vicky helped me make copies today, I suck at copies thank god she was there. She also fixed my speakers, their MUCH better. <33

I am having major pains in my lower tummy right now. I am about to cry, but i am holdin back and so far its working. I think I am just about the biggest baby ever. Oh well… what can you do. Suck it up. I know. Tomorrow at like 9:45am I am scheduled for my ultra sound. hopefully I find out what the hell is wrong with me. Freaking out over here... stress level just rose to like 837483784298. I want to chill with Vicky bad, she is at soccer. She always calms me down when I get like this. shes going with me tomarrow. yey

I am so excited for summer… It seems like the year has gone by so fast. Golly. The sun beating down on my face, My hair blowing in the wind, Just driving around, Blasting music. I love it. LOVE it. Nothing beats that feeling.

I have been meeting a buncha random people lately. This guy Darrin called me… I have no idea which boy he is… I think he is a hot boy I meet with sasha, Hopefully. I have yet to call him back.
Me, Heidi and Lilly meet boys in Laurens neighborhood yesterday. One is adorable. Not holding my attention though.

The top 3 best kisses are kisses hello, kisses good bye and surprise kisses.
I miss that tingling feeling that use to run down my spine, or the butterflies that I use to get when I would kiss a guy. I think that’s because every kiss was so special and so meaningful. Not many things seem too meaningful any more. I need to find someone who can give me that feeling back, cause I haven’t felt that feeling since like Derek kissed me on my drive way?
I really miss Derek, I use to be able to talk deep with him... I miss him being one of my best friends, like the only person I could trust. He is such a good, kind person. I look up to him so much.

Steve called me on his way to work… he stopped by for like 20 min. I love it when people want to see you even if it is only for 20 min. he rubbed by tummy for me while I laid down. And we talked a good talk. I looked terrible, oh well. I am surprised he was not afraid to touch me.

I miss kara & last summer.

I miss my mommy.

I wanna go on a boat.

tryed to pull a chelsea.. didnt do that good of a job.. oh well

( its 11:11 make a wish... i wish for this )

24 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

BAM [12 Apr 2005|08:41pm]

[ mood | cheerful ]

[ music | You make me smile ]

Everything is good.

Matt is one of the most amazing people I know. I have never felt so safe with someone. I have never felt so at home with someone. He knows me. He makes me feel like no matter what he will always be there and no matter what he will always like me for who I am. I do not know what I would do with out him. Every time a guy has broke my heart, every time I have messed up, every time I have failed he has always made me feel like everything would be ok, he has always caught me when I’ve fallen. I have never coated anything to him, I have never made myself sound better then I was, I have never pretended to be something I wasn’t… to him I can be myself. Because I know whatever that may be, he is going to be there for me still and not judge me. He has an amazing gift for making me feel better about myself. Everything he says to me is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. He is my best friend.

Some things just happen. For no apparent reason they just work out. That is the way it is supposed to be you are not supposed to work to make some things work. Some feeling should just come naturally.

( Its 11:11, make a wish )

15 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

[11 Apr 2005|04:21pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

[ music | tv ]

Dad just got stuff for home schooling...
This should be an interesting little adventure.

I wish I could read between the lines.

Country and summer are like 2 of the best things in the world.
I miss summer so much. God I miss the sun.

"Where is this "love"? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can’t feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words." it’s so true. Actions speak louder then words. You can tell someone you love them but it doesn’t mean anything. Words have no meaning. You can call someone your friend but that really has no meaning. its what’s behind the words, its your actions.

my cousin came over yesterday. GOD I LOVE HER. I really want to become closer with her and start hanging out with her more.

Kara silvermen is the cutest thing to hit this planet.

I miss IT, what ever it was.

( Lets press rewind, and pause. )

13 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

i am all out of faith, this is how i feel. i am cold and i am ashamed, lying toren on this floor [20 Mar 2005|05:50pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

[ music | toren ]

I wrote this big entry... but i decided i shouldnt post it so now i am starting over.

Today was a ok day so far.
I woke up with lauren and then we went and got lilly and kyle and went out to breakfast at this REALLY ghetto restaurant
some bois got into it with kyle it was bad.
Anyways breakfast was good even though i am feelin a little nauticious.

Lately I have made some really bad decisions.
My dad has been super cool though and has been really forgiving towards my actions and words.
And for the past few hours i have been thinking about all the bad decisions i have made in the past like 3 weeks and i feel like shit.
I feel like i have hurt alot of people, alot of people that i .r.e.g.r.e.t. hurting.
I am hoping that the people i have hurt in the past 3 weeks love me enough to forgive me for everything i have done and said.
i feel stupid
really stupid.
i am so nieve
and i hate it
i hate it soo much

its so hard to see sometimes whos your real friends and who arent your real friends.
it hurts when you discover that people are useing you.
it hurts when you the people you think you can rely on end up being unrelyable.
it hurts when you turn to someone thinking their there and their not.
it hurts to know that it was all a game.
it hurts to know the jokes on me..
its sucha let down.
it makes me wonder if this is what life is.
it makes me wonder if everyone just uses eachother
if so i havent caught on to the game yet and i dont think i ever want to.
even if it hurts alot more
i would rather be TRUE

i cant stop thinking about how much i want to take back everything i have done and everything that i have said
it hurts so bad.
it hurts me more then it hurts you.

"you dont know what you have till its gone.
thats so true.
so incredably true.

i was talking to my dad about how some people arent affected by a problem inless its on their door step.
he told me that god will punish those people
and that, by helping others your actually helping yourself because if you dont help others you will be sent to hell.
only he said it in a wayy more intelligent way.
but....
even if you were to help someone, to help yourself, shouldnt there be some deeper meaning?
shoudlnt your love for the people around you, your friends and your family be strong enough that helping and making them happy actually makes you happy, or that seeing them sad actually makes you sad?

truth is sucha gray area in life
its a confusing matter
i wish i could see where theres truth
i wish i could see what is real.

i love talking to him
i love being with him
i love how he makes me feel
i love how its comfortable
how its safe
but it feels safe cause theres nothing attached
theres no passion
you can act a part but its no good if theres no feeling
your sooo good at acting
but i am not feelin it.
everyone just plays games
i am sick of the games
ur my favorite mistake.
even though it wasnt worth it
or maybe it was.
we'll see.

my dad discovered that someone kicked my car
my front bumper is messed up
i am kinda upset
i have to pay for it
i have no job right now
no money
i am in debt
my credit card bill is coming
i am def stressing out
i need a hug pronto

6 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

i am all out of faith, this is how i feel. [20 Mar 2005|04:44pm]

[ mood | crushed ]

[ music | toren ]

I wrote this big entry... but i decided i shouldnt post it so now i am starting over.

Today was a ok day so far.
I woke up with lauren and then we went and got lilly and kyle and went out to breakfast at this REALLY ghetto restaurant
some bois got into it with kyle it was bad.
Anyways breakfast was good even though i am feelin a little nauticious.

Lately I have made some really bad decisions.
My dad has been super cool though and has been really forgiving towards my actions and words.
And for the past few hours i have been thinking about all the bad decisions i have made in the past like 3 weeks and i feel like shit.
I feel like i have hurt alot of people, alot of people that i .r.e.g.r.e.t. hurting.
I am hoping that the people i have hurt in the past 3 weeks love me enough to forgive me for everything i have done and said.
i feel stupid
really stupid.
i am so nieve
and i hate it
i hate it soo much

its so hard to see sometimes whos your real friends and who arent your real friends.
it hurts when you discover that people are useing you.
it hurts when you the people you think you can rely on end up being unrelyable.
it hurts when you turn to someone thinking their there and their not.
it hurts to know that it was all a game.
it hurts to know the jokes on me..
its sucha let down.
it makes me wonder if this is what life is.
it makes me wonder if everyone just uses eachother
if so i havent caught on to the game yet and i dont think i ever want to.
even if it hurts alot more
i would rather be TRUE

i cant stop thinking about how much i want to take back everything i have done and everything that i have said
it hurts so bad.
it hurts me more then it hurts you.

"you dont know what you have till its gone.
thats so true.
so incredably true.

i was talking to my dad about how some people arent affected by a problem inless its on their door step.
he told me that god will punish those people
and that, by helping others your actually helping yourself because if you dont help others you will be sent to hell.
only he said it in a wayy more intelligent way.
but....
even if you were to help someone, to help yourself, shouldnt there be some deeper meaning?
shoudlnt your love for the people around you, your friends and your family be strong enough that helping and making them happy actually makes you happy, or that seeing them sad actually makes you sad?

truth is sucha gray area in life
its a confusing matter
i wish i could see where theres truth
i wish i could see what is real.

i love talking to him
i love being with him
i love how he makes me feel
i love how its comfortable
how its safe
but it feels safe cause theres nothing attached
theres no passion
you can act a part but its no good if theres no feeling
your sooo good at acting
but i am not feelin it.
everyone just plays games
i am sick of the games
ur my favorite mistake.
even though it wasnt worth it
or maybe it was.
we'll see.

my dad discovered that someone kicked my car
my front bumper is messed up
i am kinda upset
i have to pay for it
i have no job right now
no money
i am in debt
my credit card bill is coming
i am def stressing out
i need a hug pronto

All the girls stomp your feet like this

CRAZINESS [17 Mar 2005|12:49am]

[ mood | cold ]

[ music | WRIF ]

GUYS DO NOT HIT GIRLS.
ONCE I HEAR OF A GUY HITTING A GIRL
I LOOSE COMPLETE RESPECT FOR HIM.

ITS JUST NOT RIGHT.

11 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

i cant help it [14 Mar 2005|02:37pm]

[ mood | cheerful ]

[ music | tale as old as time ]

Yes so vickys b day was a incredable night in spite of my terrable allerigic reaction.
i scratched myself to death, if not for kendrick i would have def been in shreds.
i def have like cuts in my back still... they dont hurt, thank god but their extremely ugly... wow

everything has been going really good lately for me...
i am like really happy

nate needs to stop playing games
but hes sweet
he probably dosnt know it but he sorta proved to me that i am kinda a pussy
so i decided that i need to be strong enough to walk away from the people who arent my true friends
and i need to be strong enough to tell people the way i feel.

more then anything i hate it when people lie to me
especially when their lieing to me to luer me to hang out with them.
sean def got some numbers and made some calls to help me see past some lies
it was cool of him

sometimes you need to look at insults and turn them into something good, like a compliment.
and you cant want to be someone else, you need to except yourself and see the good in yourself.
i ve had troubles with that lately, but i am kinda on a roll

it hurts so much when you feel like you can trust someone and they betray you.
it hurts so much when people lie to hurt you.
when you say or do something you should really think about how it would make you feel.
and you should really think about wether the person your hurting is important to you
because you can only hurt someone so much before they decide its enough.

i am not sure who i can run to anymore.
i am not sure whos telling me the truth.
and i am not sure what to believe.
i feel like i dont really have a best friend, and thats a scary, lonely, lost feeling.

14 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

I am feelin sexy.. I wanna hear you say my name [10 Mar 2005|09:12pm]

[ mood | chipper ]

[ music | mtv doe ]

WHO LOVES MY JOURNAL?1?!?
I LOVE MY JOURNAL

SPECIAL THANKS TO MY SEXY CHINK BABY VICKY
I LOVE YOUUU GRLLL

16 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

fooo [06 Mar 2005|03:18pm]

[ mood | cheerful ]

[ music | 95.5 ]

what goes around comes around.
^ i soo believe in that. you should to.

this weekend was a terrific weekend.
friday i hung out with nate and vicky it was cool
nate left.
me and vicky hung out with matt and mike it was sweet
vicky left.
me mike and matt went to detroit to go out to eat at a mexican
restaurant, i had the best time like ever. Mike is the sweetest guy i
know. Matt is the weirdest haha. Matt took care of me and walked me to
the bathroom cause i coudlnt walk myself. hes my new gf lol. i love
hanging out with them. they are soo flippen crazy.

sat i just chilled all day, i picked vicky up from chink school and we chilled for a while and then i droped her back off..
i just chilled some more, talked on the phone all day. thank god i have free weekends. lol
vicky came over randomly that night, i didnt feel like chilling so i droped her off and went home.
me and my daddy hung out, i miss him. it was good.
i love him soo friggen much, no one understands.

today i just feel like chillin again.
so will do.

FRIDAY IS VICKYS SWEET 16, what now sluts!
its gonna be the best ever, except not better then mine ahah
i love her.

i am quiting swearing, cause when my moods get extreme i have issues with stoping

i miss mike b. he has an amazing gift for making me happy

4 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

i am really not a confident as i seem. i am actually not confident at all.. u took that from me [01 Mar 2005|11:18am]

[ mood | blah ]

[ music | beautiful ]

Yea so when people are there for me... i like majorly think about it and appreciate it.
i feel so lucky and so thankful for having such good friends.

i use to care what people thought of me.
i use to care about my pride being taken away.
but i truely dont any more.
i am not afraid to show my pain. cause we all have pain some of us just hide it
i use to think it made me a stronger person to hide my pain. but it really dosent. it makes u a stronger person to show that ur in pain.

so i meet this guy. and to me hes incredable. cause i always see this like good side of people. and i alwasy want to believe that deep down they dont mean to do/ say the things they do.
this always ALWAYS ends up hurting me. because actions speak louder then words.. much louder. and u should watch peoples actions cause thats who they are.
anyone can lie, but trust me no one can keep up an act.
if u care about someone show them that u care, dont tell them. its much more powerful and true.
anyways i started thinking about this whole situation. and talking to my friends. the people who are there for me every day. the people i love so much.
and i realised he really makes me feel like shit about who i am
i talked to my dad about my whole situation and he told me that i should find a guy that makes me feel like i am the only one on his mind.
he told me to find a guy that looks at me like i am the only person in the room.
i talked to some of my friends. and they actually wanted to talk to him to tell him how much he is losing by losing me.
i wouldnt let them.
but i thought about it
and i am still there. i am still by his side.
so what is he losing? nothing.
so for once i am gonna follow the real facts.
and u know what i am really not hurt. because hes not what i am looking for. not even what i am looking for in a friend.

i feel like i am being a little bit of a drama queen.
but this isnt like i am crazy heart broken. cause i dont even think i am.
but its about how someone can make u lose who u r.
its about how soon u start believeing what people around u say.
and i started believeing i was worthless.
because even if he didnt mean to, thats how he made me feel.

i just wanna say i love all my friends who actually believe in me, who actually believe i have worth. who actually believe that i deserve someone who will treat me right when even i myself dont believe it.

sometimes i try to blame myself for peoples mistakes because i think its easier to believe its all my fault then to believe that some people are really the people they are. especially people i care alot about.
i was talking to vicky last nigth on the phone about some of my old best friends.. and how they still turn to me.. yet i feel like i can never turn to them.
it upset me for the longest time cause i felt like they just used me when they needed someone there.
but then i started to blame myself and i was like maybe their not there for me because i dont turn to them.
but then i thought about it even more. and my close friends/ family is always there for me... i dont really have to turn to them though. their just there.. and i think thats what a true friend is.. someone u dont have to turn to because their always there... their always going through it with u and holding ur hand...

thank u to all my true friend i love u guys soo much

16 Stomped| All the girls stomp your feet like this

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